I want to cruise town in my new cupcake car

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To: David Albrecht of ODOT
Subject: My new cupcake car

ODOT won't let me drive my new cupcake carIn an effort to reduce carbon emissions, save on gasoline costs and look totally kick ass, I recently purchased a Customized Cupcake Car sold by Neiman Marcus.

This massive drivable cupcake is probably the coolest thing I've ever bought. Unfortunately, state laws prohibit me from driving the damned thing on the streets! This is incredibly frustrating; especially since I forked out $25,000 for this thing.

How do I go about getting a "go-ahead-and-drive-your-cupcake" permission slip from Ohio Department of Transportation? Do I need to take a Customized Cupcake Car driving test or something?

Please respond quickly. I'm currently driving this motorized cupcake on sidewalks to get where I need to go and the results have not been good: I've knocked over several small children, been bitten by a hungry dog and crashed into a man in a giant pizza costume who was standing in the sidewalk promoting a buy one get one free pizza sale.

As you can see, the current law is causing more damage than is necessary. Let's protect the children, dogs and costumed, sign-carrying mascots that stand on street corners - Let's get me on the road, Mr. Albrecht.

Hungry to hit the streets,
John Farnswell