Make my front lawn a state nature preserve

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To: Ohio Department of Natural Resources
Subject: Land to turn into state nature preserve

This stupid lawn could be the next state nature preserveI own a house in suburban Willoughby, Ohio, and I would like to turn my front lawn into a state nature preserve.

My 1/10 acre yard would make for a terrific home for squirrels, bumblebees and the occasional skunk. Hell, it already gets those little creatures right now. Just think if I was legally allowed not to mow my lawn...we're talking possible snake sightings here.

Kids would love the John Farnswell Nature Preserve... and I would love it too - because I'd be able to sit and watch those hilarious little brats on the "Suite Life of Zack and Cody" television show instead of having to mow that stupid lawn all the time (seriously, I have to mow that lawn like every four days).

I want to give back to the community and all that crap, so please contact me as soon as possible, and we can get the ball rolling on this thing.

Sincerely and environmentally conscious,
John Farnswell