Nov
9
Cleveland Browns rebirth tailgate party
Submitted by John Farnswell on November 9, 2009 - 2:05pm
To: Cleveland Browns
Subject: Need help for my Browns rebirth tailgate party
After some hallucinogenic drugs & a dog birthing spectacle, this guy may once again believe!I don’t need to tell you that our precious Cleveland Browns aren’t having a great year. It’s been terrible thus far, really. But unlike the pessimistic goons on local sports radio, I feel that good things are about to happen for this team. Yes, I still believe!
To help promote my optimism to the beer swigging fans that inhabit the Dawg Pound, I’d like to host a “Browns rebirth” tailgate party in the parking lot of Cleveland Browns Stadium just before the upcoming Ravens game. Read more
Sep
21
Cleveland Browns: pay my psychiatrist bill
Submitted by John Farnswell on September 21, 2009 - 12:20pm
To: Cleveland Browns front office
Subject: Need a bill payed
So depressed I can only summon the strength to sulk against a wallDark gray clouds, death and devastation weigh down my worn out mind, but I have composed myself long enough to let you know that I am mailing you the bill for my latest emergency session with my psychiatrist.
Usually, my sessions revolve around my various psychological issues: manic depression, daddy/mommy issues, belief in the spiritual powers of Oprah Winfrey, etc. But this morning’s emotionally charged, 3-hour emergency session with my therapist was completely focused on the Cleveland Browns. Read more
